Flashbacks of a Lycanthrope
by Jaade
Summary: Moments from the life of one Remus Lupin from teaching to his death. Involvement with a feisty Nymphadora Tonks, and the demons that plague his head. Angst, humor, and romance with a song to each chapter. Read and review!
1. Hogwarts, Home

**This is about Remus's time in Hogwarts. Because that hasn't been done before, eh? However, I promise to actually finish this story because I'm genuinely interested in this concept. It's going to be a little literary, and there's going to be a song in every chapter. Remus is not gay in this, so maybe we'll find him peeking at some cute village bums.**

**Involves a LOT of flashbacks, because the Marauders were just that amazing.**

**A song in every chapter. Remember that. **

**Disclaimer: I totally own Harry Potter. Not.**

**Empty Chairs at Empty Tables**

_**I'm Coming Home**_

The train was bright red and steaming, droplets of vapour condensed on the clean glass, soon to be sullied by adolescent fingerprints and breath marks. The station smelt like owls, people, and tension, noted Remus, wrinkling his nose. He picked up his case, which was battered and a little torn, and stepped onto the train. People were saying goodbye to their children, their nephews and nieces. Remus gave a wry smile. It would have been fun to say goodbye to someone.

_I'm staring out into the night,_

_Trying to hide the pain._

_I'm going to the place where love_

_And feeling good don't ever cost a thing._

_And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain._

He had been eighteen years old when he last stepped on the Howarts Express, lithe and full of hysterical joy at finally being able to leave Hogwarts. To finally get lost from studies, and tension, and schoolwork. From Snape, he remembered James crowing fondly, while Lily frowned amusedly at her boyfriend's excitement. He was thirty two years old now, a man, he thought, with sarcastic pride beneath his calm exterior. He was a weathered man of the world, something that his friends could only dream of now. They were very young back then, mused Remus, the sarcastic pride again creeping to the surface. They weren't men, as they fancied themselves, but still overexcited boys, carried away by the slightest things. He had considered himself calm and levelheaded, whilst in reality, he was just as boyish as the rest of them.

He went into the 27th compartment, _their _compartment, and as he hoisted his suitcase up onto the rack, he could hear a snatch of laughter from the empty compartment. Boyish, young laughter, caught up in pleasure. Remus frowned as he sat down. It would be a while until the students arrived, he could get some sleep, couldn't he then? As he tried to close his eyes against the piercing sunlight, the mad face of Sirius Black stared at him from a billboard. He had, of course, recently escaped from Azkaban. After twelve years, Remus chuckled darkly, that Sirius. Even after you knew him for twenty years, he would still manage to surprise you. Hilarious bastard, that he was, was his last though as his eyes began to droop.

_Well I'm going home,_

_Back to the place where I belong,_

_And where your love has always been enough for me._

_I'm not running from._

_No, I think you got me all wrong._

_I don't regret this life I chose for me._

_But these places and these faces are getting old,_

_So I'm going home._

_Well I'm going home._

**"Remus, don't hog the chocolate!" whined Peter Pettigrew. Puberty seemed to not affect him at all, as he was as round and chubby at eighteen as he was at eleven.**

**"Bug off, Peter! You're fat." drawled Remus, stretching his feet out.**

**Sirius's face was stretched in a mask of glee. **

**"We've GRADUATED! Boys, do you not know what this MEANS?"**

**"Enlighten us, oh wise one." James pretended to bow to his friend. **

**"This means we're FREE! No detentions, no punishments, no FILCH, no McGonagasshole! We're free, boys! FREE!"**

**"Yippee." Remus groaned, always the cynic. **

**"It sounds interesting. Remus, you getting a flat with Sirius, isn't it?"**

**"Unfortunately, that seems to be the plan." **

**"And Lily and I are moving in together, and Peter's living with his Mum, but it's in London too, so we're all pretty close together!" exclaimed James, boyish excitement to be close with his friends apparent on his face.**

**"Let's exchange presents, please!" cried Peter, who couldn't wait. The boys, wanting presents more than ever, had agreed to buy presents for each other.**

**James clapped his hands authoritatively.**

**"Right then!" he brought out a small block of chocolate. "This is for Peter, from us. It's Drooble's Best Neverending Chocolate, and it cost a pretty penny. You can drool over it forever, and it will never finish. Promise!" **

**Peter's face was the epitome of delight. "Thank you! And this, he brought out a Nervall 9001 Broom Service Kit, is for James, from the three of us." He gave the case to James, who prompty opened it to glorify the contents.**

**"And for Sirius, we have the best collection of Playboy ever. Perfume, magazines, shoes, and even a ticket to visit the mansion" Remus handed over the packet to the excited Sirius.**

**"It's your turn, Moony!" Sirius gave him a leather briefcase, reading in golden letters, **_**Professor R. **_**.**

**"Professor?" Remus laughed, mollified to get such an expensive gift.**

**"Yes, mate. Professor."**

**And there was no further discussion of the topic.**

_The miles are getting longer, it seems,_

_The closer I get to you._

_I've not always been the best man or friend for you._

_But your love remains true._

_And I don't know why._

_You always seem to give me another try._

Remus awoke with a jerk, Sirius's maniacal laughter playing in his head. The first thing he noticed was that it was cold. Shivering, biting cold. The second was that he heard voices. Kids' voices, and not just two or three it seemed. There was a whole posse squeezed into the compartment. Remus felt a little annoyed until he saw the shapes sliding around outside the frosty glass door.

"Quiet!" He conjured up a handful of flames, and looked around, deciding to take in the students' faces later, instead looking around for clues as the why the hell were there ruddy Dementors on the train. One scabby hand pushed open the door and looked inside, as Remus saw, out of the corner of his eye, a boy sliding to the floor, apparently out cold. Another child started crying. Great start to the year, Remus.

"None of us are hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go."

The thing stayed there, stubborn.

Oh well.

Remus concentrated on the haunting laughter of four boys as a large dog erupted out of his wand and chased off the Dementor. Remus muttered under his breath as he closed the door, frowning. As if the Sirius he had known was stupid enough to sneak onto the train. The Dementors would be better off checking the Playboy Mansion. He spun around, concerned about the children. They seemed to all be about twelve or thirteen, so still low down in the school, liable to be scared. The two red-heads, most probably Molly Weasley's youngest kids, and the slight girl with bushy brown hair were bent over a prone figure on the floor, the boy who had fainted earlier.

"Harry, HARRY!" the girl coaxed, slapping the boy's face. Remus didn't pay any attention to the name and was looking aorund for the spare chocolate until he saw the boys eyes open. That's when his heart stopped. He had the brightest green eyes in James Potter's face. He could hear traces of girlish laughter as he friendly-swung a red haired girl around the Prefect Room, and waltzed a hilarious two step with her, her green eyes twinkling.

James. It was James.

No.

It was _Harry. _Baby Harry Potter who had cooed and cuddled in his arms, baby Harry Potter who toddled to Remus first, spoke to Remus second, and loved Remus like his parents. Baby Harry Potter who cried all night, who dirtied every diaper on purpose, who urinated in Sirius's face and laughed.

This was baby Harry.

_So I'm going home,_

_Back to the place where I belong,_

_And where your love has always been enough for me._

_I'm not running from._

_No, I think you got me all wrong._

_I don't regret this life I chose for me._

_But these places and these faces are getting old,_

"Are you all right, Harry?" he asked the boy. He did not see any flash of recognition in the green eyes, so he wouldn't show it. He wouldn't know this Potter either.

"Yeah...what was that thing?"

He explained as to what that creature was, a Dementor, and excused himself. He needed to speak to the driver. He leaned on the compartment wall as he composed a letter to Hogwarts about the condition of the boy. His boy. James's baby boy.

The train shuddered to a halt.

He was home.

**Welp, thats the first chapter. I liked it **

**Please review, since the next chapter will only come after adequate author-pleasing.**

**Love you.**


	2. Narcissistic Cannibal

**Chapter two, yes. So this story originally started out as being about Remus's adventures whilst teaching in Hogwarts but I found that to be a tad bit too boring to actually follow through. SO I'm officially making this fic into a series of one shots about Remus's life, STARTING from when he taught at Hogwarts, so that I can write the bits I'm actually interested in (i.e. Tonks). **

**So, here it is, the second chapter:-**** I'm just going to filter some angst in here because the Chapter three will be humorous. **

**SETTING: Easter Holidays, Book Six, the Burrow. Let's just pretend the kids are home for the holidays, all right?**

_**Narcissistic Cannibal**_

"Tonks! It's lovely to see you!" Exclaimed Molly, taking in her wanton appearance, as the mousy haired witch entered the Burrow, shaking off her cloak and hanging it on a peg. She didn't trip over the umbrella rack, noticed Molly, with a tinge of sadness to her usual thoughts.

"Thank you, Molly. For inviting me, that is!" she tried to muster up some of her usual cheer, grinning genuinely as Hermione and Ginny popped up in the hallway and rushed towards her. She loved those girls, really she did.

"Hermione, Ginny!" she cried, hugging them. "You're back for the hols, then?"

"Yeah," said Ginny, leading her into the kitchen. "You're going to be sharing with us, tonight! We can have a girl chat, can't we?"

Tonks actually found herself getting excited at having a girls' night with Hermione and Ginny as she laughed her assent, her eyes glinting as they hadn't done in months, as Molly smiled under her pinafore. Trust it to the girls to bring Tonks out of the depression she had fallen into.

She was so interested in her conversation with Ginny and Hermione about the latest hair care products that she didn't notice Remus was in the room too, talking to Arthur and Kingsley about Goblin revolts. He didn't glance at her either, absorbed in conversation. It took a particularly funny tale about a witch that tried the Nair Hair Care product only to have her hair fall out, that Tonks let out one of her familiar, guffawing laughs, making Lupin's head spin right around, his face pale.

_Don't wanna be sly and defile you  
Desecrate my mind and rely on you  
I just wanna break this crown  
But it's hard when I'm so run down_

And you're so cynical, Narcissistic Cannibal  
Got to bring myself back from the dead

She noticed him then too, and internally cursed whatever branch of illogical Cupidity that had possessed Molly, to bring him there too, to put them in such close proximity of each other, as she forced herself not to look at him, and to continue the talk with the girls, adding her own ditty about how Mrs Johnson had written to Witch Weekly about her pimple reducing cream that only made her break out more, laughing as Ginny snorted into her mug of pumpkin juice, and Hermione would make glances at Ron often, giving him corner looks.

Arthur noticed that Lupin was slightly more tense after he saw Tonks was in the room, he noticed his hands tightening, and his face whitening, as he cursed himself for not listening to the gossip Molly had poured into his ear. There was something wrong between them, that much he remembered, but nothing much more, although he was quite sure every adult in the room had noticed the change between them. How they used to sit together at every meeting, sometimes holding hands, and how once Kreacher walked in on them kissing, and according to the late Sirius Black, would have whispered, secret midnight conversations.

_Sometimes, I hate, the life, I made  
Everything's wrong every time  
Pushing on I can't escape  
Everything that comes my way  
Is haunting me taking its sweet time_

Holding on I'm lost in a haze  
Fighting life to the end of my days

Remus could feel the blood leaving his face as he watched the girl laugh loudly, and he hated that she was so happy without him, and illogically, he hated himself for thinking that. His hands were cold, and he was cold, and the room seemed to freeze, regardless of the burning fire, regardless of the warmth provided by the fifteen people stuffed into the room, talking and laughing. He stole another glance at her, and he looked at her eyes and they were dead. His heart hurt, looking at her eyes, and he knew she wasn't happy, not really.

_Don't wanna be rude but I have to  
Nothing's good about the hell you put me through  
I just need to look around  
See that life that has come unbound_

And you're so cynical, Narcissistic Cannibal  
Got to bring myself back from the dead

Harry was talking to Bill and Fleur about their wedding plans, and although it was heartening to see them so earnest about something in the middle of a war, he felt slightly bored, and let his eyes drift to Ginny, who winked at him, and grinned, a toothy smile which he returned, as he watched Hermione stealing shy looks toward Ron, and him doing the same. Honestly, they would never admit it, those idiots. They were talking to Tonks, whose hair was dark and short, her laugh echoing, hearty and fake. He frowned, there was something wrong with her, and his theory of it being Sirius didn't add up.

Her pale eyes, once vivacious and twinkling, glanced around the room, resting on Professor Lupin for a second. Harry turned his eyes to him too, and he looked broken, more so than usual, as he tried to smile, talking to Arthur and Kingsley. Him too, there was something wrong, and he just couldn't understand it.

"It's time for the girl chat!" cried Ginny, and she was terribly excited, thought Hermione, as they rushed up to their room, Tonks in tow.

"All right, all right!" cried Tonks, laughing at Ginny's impatience. She settled down on the small bed, and Hermione and Ginny made themselves comfortable next to her, as Ginny started babbling on about Harry. It was typical really, as she didn't have many female friends, and she needed to burst about her new boyfriend.

"We kissed after the match, really! And I swear it was the best I've ever had!"

"He kissed you!" exclaimed Tonks, delighted. The girl had been after Harry for such a long time, and it was gratifying, at least, to see her so ecstatic. "Was it good?"

"Amazing, he actually used his to-" A knock interrupted Ginny's account of the kiss, and Hermione sighed as she got up to open the door. "It's probably Mum," said Ginny "She ALWAYS thinks I'm doing something stupid!"

Hermione opened the door to behold her ex Professor Lupin, looking tired as he looked in and uncharacteristically blushed, at the sight of the girls lounging around.

"Sorry, I actually just wanted to see Tonks for a minute?" he said, his face paling again.

_Sometimes, I hate, the life I made  
Everything's wrong every time  
Pushing on I can't escape  
Everything that comes my way  
Is haunting me taking its sweet time_

"I don't think so," Tonks was cool. "I'm actually having a little talk, you see? _Some _of us actually care about the peo—"

"I would really appreciate it if you came now." Lupin was sharp, to the girls' surprise.

Tonks got up from the bed, good humour sliding off her face, as Ginny and Hermione exchanged looks, wanting to get to the bottom of this when Tonks came back. The Metamorphagus shut the door behind her and looked flatly at Lupin.

"What?" she asked in a monotone, her eyes boring into his.

"I-just…" he kissed her, hard, on the lips, right in the middle of the hallway, as passion for the past two months melted away into a fiery embrace, which she tore away from, and slapped him on the cheek, hard.

He fingered the red mark on his cheek, anger blazing on his face as he pulled her into his room and shut the door, before grabbing her shoulders.

"Why do you not understand!?" he asked her, his voice rising.

"Understand what?" she shot back. "I understand perfectly, it's you who came barging in and kissed me, isn't it you idiot?"

"I _told _you I wasn't good enough, why do you have to pine for me like a lovelorn child!" he was almost shouting, his face pale.

"If you really believed you weren't good enough," argued Tonks, her voice escalating too "You would have forgotten me, not acting like a classic Mr Rochester! You love me, Remus! You do!"

"I NEVER said I didn't!" he actually shook her at this, his hands digging into her shoulders.

"Then what is your fucking problem?" asked Tonks, to her lycanthrope. "What is it?"

"I have done so many atrocious thi-"

"STOP IT!" she cried, tears running down her face. "You're amazing, you're brilliant, and the nicest man-"

"NO!" he looked anguished. "I'm not… I have to do Dumbledore's mission, I have to live with the werewolves, and I can't think about you like this, I'm not the-"

"That mission is useless!" she spat venomously. "You just want to fucking do at least something, and you don't give a fuck as to what it is!"

"Why don't you understand!? This is crucial, and I can't be…." He was angrier than she had ever seen him before, his eyes blazing.

"You're just a pussy, aren't-" she tailed away as she saw his raised hand, and her face paled a little, fear creeping into her eyes.

He seemed to notice her eyes too, and as he looked at his hand, raised to strike her, something broke inside him, as he glared at his hands, horror welling up inside him, slopping to the surface like a cauldron of potion.

"I'm…terribly sorry…" he gasped as he ran out of the room, slamming the hallway door hard.

Molly and Arthur, enjoying a midnight cup of tea in the kitchen looked up at the sound of the door slamming hard.

"I've told them not to do that!" sighed Molly, taking a sip of tea.

"They're kids, Mollywobbles, and they just-" he broke off as Remus entered the room, his eyes burning and golden, and ripped his cloak off the peg.

"Remus?" asked Molly, frightened by the apparent change in the placid man. "What is it?"

He roughly pushed past Arthur and stormed out of the house, slamming the door hard.

"Oh God…" sighed Molly, a hand to her heart. "He must have sparred with Tonks again…"

"Leave them be, Molly. What can we do?"

Tonks wiped her face with the back of her sleeve and sniffed. She was scared for a minute, she agreed, but she knew he would never actually strike her, but he didn't know that and it was probably killing him. Morose thoughts consumed her as she walked back into the room with Ginny and Hermione sitting on the bed, their eyes wide.

"Tonks, what did Professor Lupin want?" asked Hermione gingerly.

"Just some Order business and stuff," she brushed it off. "Ginny, what were you-"

"It surely didn't sound like Order business." Ginny raised her eyebrows.

"What did it sound like?" Tonks tried to be humorous.

"It sounded like shouting. Professor Lupin doesn't shout so I'm quite sure it was something serious. Please tell us?" Hermione begged.

Tonks couldn't resist it as she slumped down on the bed. She _had _to tell them, because it was going to burst out of her soon and she didn't know who would be there when it did.

"Your Professor Lupin and I, we've been together for about a year now." She started, smiling at the gasps of surprise.

"Professor Lupin!" cried Ginny.

"But that's amazing!" cried Hermione.

"Yes, he was an amazing paramour. He's perfect, kind, and everything. We were incredibly in love. But then Sirius died, and we were still okay, albeit a little grief, but after that Dumbledore gave him this mission with the other werewolves.

"Yeah, he was talking about that at Christmas…" remembered Hermione.

"Yes, and after a while with them, he became all chivalrous and self loathing, and started on about how he wasn't fit to live with me, or to love me." To her horror, Tonks found tears welling up in her eyes again, as Hermione put a comforting arm around her.

"And we separated for a while, but it was killing both of us, and your mum's been amazing, Ginny, trying to talk sense into him… Anyway, tonight he comes and just kisses me, and I slapped him and we had the same argument again. I think I went too far, I called him a pu-a coward." She remembered the girls' ages. "And he…raised his hand to me." Her voice broke slightly as a tear rolled down her cheek, "And he was terrified that he would hurt me and he ran off."

The girls' mouths were agape, and Hermione broke the silence.

"Oh, Tonks, why didn't you tell us? Don't worry, he'll come to his senses."

"Of course he will! And you have to! Don't you recognize how adorable it would be to have you flirting with the Professor in plain sight!?"

"Speaking of that, have you…done the dirty?" Hermione blushed as she tried to cheer Tonks up.

It worked, as the Metamorphagus laughed.

"A few times, really. He's a really good kisser you know, your Professor Lupin!"

The girls exclaimed.

"No! Really!?"

"Yeah, he knows all these little ways of…pleasure. And his lips are the best I've kissed ever!"

"So you're boning the Professor!" cried Ginny, her vulgar language bursting out "I can't believe it, I knew it when Fred wanted me to take tips from you two!"

"DO you have to call him the Professor!?" laughed Tonks.

_And you're so cynical, Narcissistic Cannibal  
Got to bring myself back from the dead_

**And that's done.**

**Pretty long. This song is a cover of KORN's Narcissistic Cannibal by Earlyrise. Its an amazing song, haunting to the right degree. The next chapter would be to a less miserable, and more…modern song, Akon's Belly Dancer. **

**Yup, review, review, review and youll get your nextie!**


	3. Born To Die

**Yes, chapter three. Teehee. Anyhow, I was just pining from the excess Remus/Tonks just floating around in my head. It burns. Ugh I know I promised Belly Dancer for this chapter but I wanted to be a little literary…**

**Please, please review.**

**SETTING: End-OOTP, Remus and Tonks are already dating. **

**SONG: Born To Die (Lana Del Rey)**

_**Born To Die**_

"We'll all be there in five!"

Kingsley's head vanished out of the fire, spinning eerily as Sirius slumped back onto his knees, running a pale, purplish hand through his flyaway hair, making it even more tangled as he let out a forced, sharp sigh.

"Remus, what's going on? I don't get it!" He all but yelled at the slighter man beside him as he stood up and began pacing, his long legs criss-crossing like a pair of silk trussed scissors.

"I don't know Sirius. It's Harry, and serious, that's how much I get from what Kingsley says." Remus whipped around as a shape started spinning around in the fire, twirling ungraciously, and falling face forward into Lupin's waiting arms, allowing her cheek to be kissed.

"Dora, what is it? What happened!?" Remus asked her urgently as Sirius bounced on the balls of his feet. Her face was unusually serious, that Nymphadora Tonks. She fleeted a kiss on Remus's hard cheek before replying.

"It's Harry! He's gone off with some friends into the Department of Mysteries! Seemed to think you were there, Sirius."

_Feet don't fail me now  
Take me to the finish line  
All my heart, it breaks every step that I take  
But I'm hoping that the gates,  
They'll tell me that you're mine  
Walking through the city streets  
Is it by mistake or design?  
I feel so alone on a Friday night  
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine  
It's like I told you honey_

"THAT STUPID BOY!" roared Sirius, his face paling. "Wasn't he supposed to learn Occumency? That idiot Snape's been a wussy girl and-"

"Calm down, Sirius." Soothed Remus, one arm still around Tonks. "We're going to go there, aren't we, Dora?"

"Yes, but not you, Black." Kingsley and Mad Eye Moody stepped out of the fire together, Mad-Eye's gruff voice reverberating around the room as silence befell Sirius's obvious explosion.

"Well, of course he isn't!" said Remus, appalled Mad-Eye even though of such a thing.

"YES I BLOODY FUCKING WELL AM!" yelled Sirius, his pale face turning red. "It's MY godson! Not any of yours, is it! You can't bloody keep me in here; I'm not your fucking house elf!"

"Sirius, you have to stay here." Kingsley's calm voice boomed. "It's Dumbledore's orders. "

"WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS DUMBLEDORE TO BO-"

"We're wasting minutes here!" snapped Mad-Eye testily. "Are you going to sit down and wait, Sirius, or will I have to tie you up?"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Sirius looked livid, his face reddening further. "He NEEDS me, and I swear to God that I will be the first fucking person he sees, do you FUCKING understand th—"

"SHUT UP!" Remus took his arm from around Dora and glared at Sirius. "There is no way you are leaving this house, Padfoot, I will make sure-"

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO MAKE SU—"

"SIT DOWN, YOU IDIOT! Do you want him saved or not?" Remus looked just as angry as Sirius, fear for both his best friend and Harry shortening his nerves.

_Lost but now I am found  
I can see but once I was blind  
I was so confused as a little child  
Tried to take what I could get  
Scared that I couldn't find  
All the answers, honey_

Tonks shuddered at seeing her placid, calm boyfriend so angry, and put a small hand on his arm.

"REMUS I SWEAR, I AM COMING WHETHER YOU APPROVE OR NOT!"

Remus, maybe because the clock was ticking faster than ever, let out an impatient groan and caved it.

"All right! On your own, ignorant, shit-soaked head, come ON!"

"Remus, I don't think let—"asked Kingsley.

"Let's just go, Kingsley. What difference will it make if the entire Death Eater population is in there?"

"Let's go!" Sirius looked more alive than Remus had seen him look for a year and he felt a small smile on his face as he stalked into the Ministry, Tonks right beside him, his girl.

The stalk along the Department was hushed and serious, as they listened to the sound of battle and decided that this was serious, they could die and it wouldn't be a joke this time.

"Remus?" whispered Tonks, her hair iridescently violet.

"Yes?"

"Love you."

Remus felt himself blushing in the gloom, his cheeks reddening.

"You too." He whispered to her, hushed words all they needed to convey that, if one of them died, it wouldn't matter, because the other would too.

"Remus?" a whisper echoed again, this time distinctly masculine. Sirius. Was he going to tell Remus he loved him too? Because that would have been plain awkward.

"Yeah?" The darkness was thickening as they stalked forward.

"Take care of her?"

"What?" Bemusedly, Remus frowned.

"If anything happens to me, you'll take care of Nymphad-"

"Shut up!" Remus's whisper was angry this time. "What the hell? You can't die on your first mission after Azkaban!"

"IF I do…"

"You will not!"

"WE'RE GOING IN! "screamed Mad-Eye as they plunged forward, wands raised, into the melee that was bustling, a bunch of teenagers trying to battle with fully grown, fully trained Death Eaters. Sirius laughed with hysterical glee as he ran forward to Thorfin Rowle, wand slashing across the air, in a rushed, hysteria-fuelled, deadly dance.

Tonks rushed straight in and started duelling with her dear Aunt Bellatrix, both of them screaming obscenities that would make Mundungnus blush. Mad Eye and Kingsley started on the remaining people, with an experienced, practical haste, urgent and thought out, as Remus took on Lucius Malfoy, skilled, dignified Lucius, who had a look of desperation in his eyes, as Remus shot a curse at him, thought about the wife and son he had.

There are a billion different universes, really. And in one of them, Sirius Black would live to seventy five years old, and he would get married and he would have survived this battle.

But this wasn't that universe.

_Come and take a walk on the wild side  
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain  
You like your girls insane  
Choose your last words  
This is the last time  
Cause you and I, we were born to die_

"DIE, BITCH!" screamed Bellatrix, her wand fuelled by mad, worshipping love toward a man whom nobody would call handsome. A pink haired woman, a girl, really, tumbled down the steps, with a grace she had never possessed in consciousness, and laid there, looking like a pale, young broken doll.

Remus swivelled toward her lying there, his girl, and Lucius took the opportunity to slash his forehead with a Slashing Jinx, blood blooming red, covering his face. Lucius seemed mad, slashing again and again, at Remus's arm, his chest, as Lupin finally turned back around and started duelling him again.

"Oh, is that your pretty little girlfriend? Too bad she's de—" Lucius sneer getting cut off, as Remus blasted him into the opposite wall. He needed to get to Tonks, he needed to see if she was all right. He needed to-

"SIRIUS!"

And he caught one final image of Sirius Black, friend and brother, falling backward into the veil. The ghost of his last laugh touching his pale lips, his grey eyes wide with mirth. Remus's heart seemed to stop as the man fell slowly, and all that remained were his leather, polished shoes, which were sucked into the veil as well.

_Come and take a walk on the wild side  
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain  
You like your girls insane  
Choose your last words  
This is the last time  
Cause You and I  
We were born to die  
We were born to die_

A scream rose up in his chest, but Remus forced it down as he sprinted to the boy Harry, wrapping his bleeding arms around his thin chest as he struggled to stay upright.

"SIRIUS! NO! COME BACK!" he was screaming, that Harry Potter, and he was white as death.

"Harry, no. He can't come back, because he's de—"

"HE IS NOT DEAD! SIRIUS!" Harry screamed again as Remus fought him down, made him stand next to the boy Neville.

"Where are the others?" His voice hitched. "Where are they all, Neville?" As if he gave a damn about the others. They were both dead, his girl, his Dora, and his Sirius. Why did Harry Potter and his friends' even matter?"

"Dey're back dere…a brain addacked Ron and…"

Remus didn't care, he thought as his face paled and Harry ripped his arm out of Remus's grasp, rushing toward Bellatrix. He clenched his teeth and walked over to where Mad Eye was attempting to revive Tonks. He looked up, his magical eye back in its' socket.

"She's all right boy. Just knocked out, and a bit bruised, I suppose. You're bleeding like mad." He noted Remus's bloody face and shirt.

Maybe it was the relief that did it, or maybe it was the sight of Dumbledore standing beside him, or maybe it was the realization that Padfoot was gone forever, but Remus, to his horror, felt tears welling up in his eyes and he choked them down, clearing his throat.

But Dumbledore had seen, and he put a comforting arm on Lupin's shoulder. He wished he wouldn't, the lump in his throat was trying to emerge and he was having increasing trouble forcing it down.

"Boy, take Tonks to St Mungo's. Then you IMMEDIATELY, understand, IMMEDIATELY go to the Burrow, get yourself cleaned up, eat, and we'll see you there." Mad Eye was brisk, and briskness was what Remus needed, not the sympathy of the retreating Dumbledore.

"Yes." He was glad his voice sounded almost normal as he scooped up the unusually prone Dora off the floor and Apparated to St Mungo's.

"Problem, name, and relation to the ill?"

"She was attacked at the Ministry! She's an Auror. My name is Remus Lupin!" Remus frantically spoke to the nurse on hand as they wheeled Tonks down to her room.

"Relation?"

"I-I'm her…"

"Boyfriend?" asked the witch, calm even in the times of urgency.

"Yes, yes." They wheeled her in, and the Healer shut the door on him as Remus made to go inside.

"You can't come in, sir." It was another Healer, a male this time.

"I-I need to check if she's all right! She's—" Remus's voice caught in his throat again and he stopped, not wanting to embarrass himself.

The Healer raked his pale eyes down the werewolf, noting his blood-stained clothes and his wild expression.

"Sir, why don't you go back home for an hour or two? She's all right. I'll make sure of it."

"Yes. All right."

Remus spun on the spot again and arrived right in the middle of the kitchen of the Burrow, where the other Order Members were congregated, at least the few that had made it to the battle. Sirius had always wanted to see the Burrow. Remus swallowed again, noting the sombre air of the place. News had indeed got out that Sirius had perished, killed by a piece of fabric.

Molly patched up his arms, and cleaned his face with two quick wand movements as Remus reflected that quick wand movements could be used for both death, and healing. She walked toward him, that matronly, red haired woman, and hugged him around his chest, the highest she could reach, tightly and hard, and he fought again not to let the will to not cry waver.

"Remus, maybe you should have a lie down?" asked Kingsley, as Molly let go of him. "You've lost a lot of blood."

"No, it's all right Kingsley, I'm fine." Remus lied, forcing a smile.

They sat down around the grimy table, and began to debrief, and as they got to the part where Sirius fell through the Veil, Remus stood up, and drew his chair back from the table and announced he was going to check on Tonks.

"All right, dear." Molly simpered.

Remus Apparated to the exact corridor Tonks was being held and asked for permission, soon granted to go see the now awake Tonks.

"Remus, thank God you're here! They've been holding me here and I'm just fine, aren't I?" Tonks asked him, her pink hair tossing.

"You're all right, don't worry." And he kissed her lips, and she tasted some blood on his and she drew him back.

"You look so pale. Are you all right, Remus?" she asked, noting how extremely dead her boyfriend looked.

"I'm all right. You should sleep, Dora."

"So was the battle a success?" she ignored his comment.

"I suppose it was." Remus's voice was flat.

"That's good! Harry and the kids okay then?"

"Minor injuries but I suppose they will be fine." Remus couldn't stray from the monotone which so worried Tonks.

"Kingsley and Mad Eye should be all proud then." She crowed. "And Sirius, he must be freaking hysterical with joy, he wanted to come so badly!"

"Dora, Sirius…" Remus's voice came out in a raspy whisper and Dora turned her head to look at him, her own eyes widening.

"No. Remus, no way. This can't be…"

"It is."

That did it for her. She started sobbing hysterically, childishly, wanting her cousin back, wanting Sirius back as she wanted him when she was eight and he was convicted.

"Remus, NO!" she sobbed as she let go of him, his body tense and wiry. She stared at him, sobs ceasing as she looked into his dead, grey eyes.

"Remus," she whispered. "Come here." She held her arms out and he stumbled blindly into them, his vision blurring.

"I let him go…" he whispered to her, brokenly. "I let him go, Dora. I let him go and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Dora."

He was crying earnestly now, the floodgates opened, and the tears streaming down his cheeks, making a dark path onto her light hospital robe. He shook with the force of his grief as he clung to his lifeline, his crying, beautiful Dora as they realized there was no way, no way at all, to patch up the Sirius shaped hole in the Universe.

"Shh, it's all right. He'll be happy." She whispered to him as he dried his eyes on a light blue handkerchief she handed him. He whispered an apology for his lapse of character and all but ran out of the room, only to run into Kingsley.

"Remus I need you to fi-" And he took in the man's dishevelled appearance, his pale face that bore the traces of recent tears, and he changed his mind.

"I need you to go home and have a good rest."

And Remus went home, but in another universe, he would be celebrating the win of the battle with Sirius, and he would be kissing Tonks, who definitely wouldn't be in a hospital bed. There were a billion universes, and in one of them, Sirius Black wouldn't be dead, Mad Eye Moody wouldn't be cutting onions, Nymphadora Tonks wouldn't be screaming at Healers and Remus Lupin's back wouldn't shake with suppressed sobs at the window at the Burrow that night.

There were a billion different universes, and in one of them, Sirius Black wouldn't be merely a hole in the fabric of the universe.

Unfortunately, this wasn't that universe.

Because in this Universe, Sirius Black was born to die.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIII

**Woah, that's all.**

**Ugh this was so extremely depressing to write and the song is even more depressing. **

**Anyway, please review. I beg you haha.**

**Till then.**


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